By Belinda Morse
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
A promise I trust fully in God to bring to pass in my life. A promise He has already started fulfilling. There was a time I couldn’t see straight. A time I struggled to believe God could ever use me in someone else’s life. My own was such a mess. A mess I wouldn’t wish on anyone. A mess I cried over for hours and hours at a time begging God to free me of. Only to find our nine years later I needed those experiences to serve God in the ministry He assigned to me.
I had eyes that rarely saw beyond the current situation. I would pray and pray to no avail. Then at 24 years old God met me face to face. It was His time for me to change.
My prayers for everyone around me were always answered. Not always right away, but they were answered. I was supposed to be a prayer warrior so why weren’t the prayers for my own life being answered?
- LIE #1 I was being selfish praying for myself
- LIE #2 I wasn’t good enough to have my prayers answered.
I truly believed those I prayed for were more worthy. That’s why God answered my prayers for them. WRONG!
I never once doubted God would answer the prayers I said for others. When it came to myself I didn’t trust God to answer those prayers. Not until I was good enough. BIG FAT LIE!
It was then near Sept ’08 God changed my heart. Slowly, almost excruciatingly God began to show me not only was He trustworthy, He was faithful even when I wasn’t. Over the next six years God and I began a journey that changed me from the inside out. Not only did I start trusting God with my prayers I began to pray for bigger things. God took His precious time with me and in six years unleashed the faith I was meant to have. 17 years as a Christian and the last 6 have been the most eye-opening. I literally ripped myself open emotionally to God. I knew He already saw and knew all about me and my darkest places, but God doesn’t intrude upon them. He waits for us to invite Him in, to clean it up. So, I did.
With both eyes tightly shut I revealed all of it to Him and waited terrified for His disappointment. Waiting for the shunning to come. Slowly, in hopes God had just turned away, I opened one eye…then gathered the courage to open both. What I saw forever changed who I am. God was still there, arms wide open, only love shown on His beautiful face. Able to finally breathe I ran into His arms, finally fully accepted by someone….. See that was my bondage – to be fully accepted by someone – anyone. I had been rejected so much I believed I couldn’t trust God enough not to do the same. Sure I believed He was loving and accepting of everyone no matter their sin – except for me.
I have and never will be the same. Because God not only accepted me as is, He showed me and continues to shown me His love daily. I am His beloved. I need no one else to accept me. I am free of the enemies lies.
By Belinda Morse