My friend Belinda Morse wrote this for me to post. I wonder how many struggle with similar things. I know I did. Thanks Belinda for sharing.
When I think about God, I just start smiling. I call it the ‘Lost in God’ look. I’m sure I look pretty goofy with a dreamy far off look in my eyes, lopsided grin and my head is always slightly tilted to one side.
My seventeen years as a believer have been messy, complicated and crazy because I am a single minded person. I focus on something and that is all I remain interested in. A good quality if God is my focus. A dangerous quality when He is not my focus. The most frustrating years of my life were the years I focused on God’s will. Sounds like a good thing, but anytime we focus on something other than God himself, we get into trouble.
I struggled to figure out God’s will for my life. I attempted to enlist in the military and God shut the doors. I wanted so badly to do God’s will for my life, I never realized I already was.
I work in a pharmacy, so I interact with hundreds of people on a weekly basis. Not once did I ever think I was already where God wanted me. In fact, I wanted to do bigger and better things for God. Working in a retail pharmacy didn’t cut it. Not for me. A pastor once said, “Grow where God plants you,” during a sermon. It took years for that to actually hit my brain. In fact, only a couple days ago did I finally submit myself to God by coming to terms with this truth. I am exactly where I am supposes to be. The last 14 years in pharmacy and grocery retail has been my mission field. Until a couple days ago, it just wasn’t enough for me. I had to do more for God. Instead of accepting God’s will for my life and submitting myself to it, I fought it. For the last two years I’ve been a rude, irritable, unhappy, downright miserable woman. Yet, I am supposed to be an example of Christ. Above all else that is the most important part of God’s will for us, to just like Jesus.
Talk about Epic Fail
The harder I tried to ‘seek’ God’s will for my life, the more miserable I became. The worst feeling in the world is ‘seeking’ God’s will in your life, coming up empty handed every time, then accepting the lie you are useless. All a lie from the enemy that held me in depression for months.
The war waging in me was vicious. So vicious, I lashed out at everyone around me, then closed myself off spending most days completely along, praying desperately. I never stopped praying and that is why I got through. As the war waged inside, surfacing from time to time, I continued crying out to God. I believe the second greatest prayer I’ve ever prayed went like this,
God I’ve wasted the time you’ve given me. I’ve let everyone down. I can’t face them. I feel dead. I know I have not been living, so I am asking you to bring me to life. In Jesus’ name I pray, thy will be done Lord, AMEN
One of my favorite things about God is the way He answers prayers. Ask for a pony and God gives you a first class stallion. At least that has been my experience. In the same way, asking God to bring me to life changed everything. Not only did God renew my mind and soul, He changed my view of myself. All the years I bought the devil’s lies.
- You’re not good enough
- What can you possibly offer God?
- You’ll never do enough to please God.
- You will never fulfill God’s will for your life, you don’t even know what it is.
- You’re wasting God’s time.
I bought all of those lies, but the years I spent believing them only took God a year to erase and replace with His truths.
The realization two days ago changed it all. The realization that I am doing God’s will by showing up to work and sharing His love with all my patients. By being kind like Jesus. I’m not perfect, I still slip up, but the truth is I am exactly where I’m supposed to be.
I was smiling at this realization when I heard God’s beautiful voice,
What better place for a prayer warrior to be.
I tear up over that as I write this. I was fifteen when a Christian brother looked me right in the eyes and said, “You are a prayer warrior. You didn’t know that, did you?”
My entire life I’ve been exactly where God wanted me to be, but I was too busy trying to get where I though His ‘will’ for me was. My greatest is also a sad one for me. DON’T RUSH LIFE. I missed so much by thinking I wasn’t where God wanted me to be. If I had just stopped, opened my eyes, I could have enjoyed life more. I would have seen all the gifts God had for me daily. Instead, I picked what gifts I wanted to see and missed out.
Do I regret any part of my path to growing up in God? No. I regret all the times I grieved the Holy Spirit, but the path I took I’ll never regret. The woman I am today is because of every lesson, every sin I learned from, every trial, every battle. If my spiritual scars could be seen on my physical body there would be few pieces of unmarred flesh. Yet I would display them with a smile.
My point is this, don’t get lost in looking for God’s will, because you are already in it. The people in your life are there because God put them there. They need you or you need them. The situation you’re in and struggling with, you need to grow. God knows that, though it might be years before we know. God’s will is a general and specific term all at once. God’s general will for my life is touching the hearts of my patient’s at work, that they will see Jesus in me and come to know Him personally. God’s specific will in my life has only been revealed to me in bits. I’ll share with you what I know so far.
After my missions trip to Mexico at 17, God spoke to me. It was the first time I heard his voice. I’d never been so excited and blessed all at once. God’s exact words were, “You are going to Australia”. I don’t know when or why exactly God wants me there, but I do know this, when its time I’ll be there.
You cannot rush or change God’s plan for your life. You can try, but all you’ll get is misery and disappointment mixed with frustration. I know, I lived with it for six years. Yet I would not change a thing. If I did I would not know God as intimately as I do.
I don’t believe in giving advice, but I don’t mind sharing my personal experiences. Yet, God is encouraging me to write this piece of advice. FALL IN LOVE WITH GOD. Stop focusing on His will for your life and focus on God. If you are focusing on God, do you really think He’ll let you miss out on His will for your life.
Every day I fall more in love with God and I can honestly say, nothing else matters. I trust and obey and in doing so I am submitted unto Him. While I fall in love with His, He leads me, guides me to the next part of His will. I love God and as I finish this up I don’t mind admitted I’m wearing that lost in God look.
What can I say? ….. God’s love becomes me.
Thanks for sharing Belinda, that truly is a message so many need to hear.